So there we were in his car, driving to Quiapo to buy some stuff, when he said, “You know, you’re the first guy I dated who’s more or less out.”
That statement caught me by surprise. No, it wasn’t because I thought I was discreet, but because I didn’t know that we were already under the “dating” status. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy that he already considered us to be dating. I was just surprised because I thought he wasn’t ready for labels yet.
It’s always so tricky to figure out what exactly is going on between me and a guy I’m seeing. And I can’t help but try to figure it out because that information is necessary in setting expectations. A lot of people have told me many times that labels and expectations are not important, but if a guy can’t even tell me that he likes me or that he’s even remotely open to being in a relationship with me, then he’s wasting my time.
That’s exactly what happened between me and a guy I dated last year. Wait, I’m not even sure if we actually dated. Case in point, I tried to ask him if we were already dating after we went out a few times. He answered me with the usual “Why do we need to put a label?” So, predictably, I asked him what we should call the stage we were in. He answered “Call a dinner, a dinner and a movie, a movie. Why should we call them anything else?”
That hurt, big time. So I was the only one who considered those movies and dinners and drinking sessions to be special. It wasn’t his fault, I know. I was the one who made those assumptions. But on my part, I don’t need anyone to watch a movie or to go drinking, and if those were all he’s interested to share with me, then it’s a waste of time.
There was also this guy who wanted to be on a “non-exclusive dating” status with me. He told me he liked me a lot but also that he still wanted to meet new guys since he had just gotten out of a relationship. I was allowed to see other guys too, of course, but I wasn’t interested in doing that. I liked him a lot and I made it clear that if it were up to me, I’d want us to be exclusive. Still, we went on with the open setup.
The setup worked for a while, until the night of his birthday, when he told me that we were already exclusive. I was happy of course, more than I could possibly say. But the next day, he suddenly took it back. He said that he was just carried away by the moment and had the strong urge to do something good on his birthday.
Tangina lang, diba? Asshole. Charity case talaga ako? Ako?
Angry can’t even begin to describe how I felt at him. He made me expect and then he took it back. But I was way too much into him for me to stay mad for long. He flashed me puppy dog eyes and he hugged me back into submission. But I was already too confused with what to expect from him. Everything went downhill from there.
But the complications don’t end with knowing the stage. After establishing just where the relationship is, the terms must also be established. Is it open or exclusive? Is it a secret or not? Who will you tell? Who shouldn’t I tell?
I used to think that the clearing up the terms and conditions were not important, that we can figure them out by feel. Then I dated a closet case who didn’t even want to be seen in public with me. Naturally, I thought that he’d want to keep it a secret. Then a few weeks go by and he suddenly asks me, “Ikinakahiya mo ba ako? (Are you ashamed of me?)” Apparently, he wanted to meet my closest friends and he wanted to be introduced as my guy. As long as it’s in our closest circles, he wants us to be open about our relationship.
So let’s come back to the present so that the question can be asked: what is the status of this thing that I have with this guy right now?
We’re dating, like what he said in the car, and the really good thing is he’s consistent about it. It’s such a breath of fresh air that I’m not just assuming. (LOL) As for the terms, I consult him before I do anything that concerns both of us. I don’t pester him with questions about him and me. Well, fine, I do, but not as much as I did with my past dates. With this guy, I’m adopting a little bit of both my “establish the rules” approach and the “go with the flow” approach.
So there you go. Nishiboy is once again dating. Let’s see if this one works.
