Thursday, May 12, 2011

Comfort Sex

We were in the terrace of my apartment that evening. The only strands of light that touched us came from the streetlights in the distance. I was leaning against the wall, further hidden from what little light there was. He was sitting on a chair in front of me, his face buried in his hands. I took a puff from my cigarette and spoke to him.

“Are you okay?”

He looked up at me, his eyes filled with sadness. Then he stood up and hugged me.  I put my arms around him and hugged him back. We stayed that way for a while until he pulled halfway back and looked at me. Then he started to lean in.

I pushed him back.

He looked at me, looking slightly surprised at what I did. “Why? I thought you told me that you wanted this.”

I took a deep breath, summoned every ounce of self-control I had and looked away. “Yes, I want to kiss you, but not tonight and not like this.”

“It’s just a kiss,” he whispered, moving back in until his face was inches mine. “Please, I need it. Besides, I never got to first base with you.”

I looked back at him. The sadness in his eyes had left. He had an unfamiliar grin in his face and his eyes now burned with something I’ve never seen in them before. My own eyes were held captive by his gaze.

“These are pent up feelings you have for your ex and right now you’re just channelling them to me,” I answered. “I’ve done that before and it doesn’t help at all.”

“You’re making me beg. Don’t.” he said. He leaned towards me again.

This time, I didn’t stop him. We kissed. It was tentative and I pulled back after a few seconds.

“I told you it wouldn’t help,” I said, controlling my voice to hide how I was already intoxicated by the taste of his lips.

“Yes, it did,” he answered. Then he pulled me back in. “Let’s try that again.”

I surrendered and leaned forward. The kiss was deep and passionate this time. I held his face and I felt his hands moving up my back.

I pulled back. “Let’s stop this. I’m starting to get turned on,” I laughed awkwardly while trying to use my hands to hide what my boxers couldn’t.

He grinned again. Then he reached down and pushed my hand aside

I gasped.

“Oh shit.”

He chuckled and pushed me down on the chair. Then he pulled another chair and sat in front of me. He looked around, surveying the place. “Do you think they can see us?” he asked, nodding towards our neighbor’s window. I shrugged and pushed my shorts down.

And he went down on me.

“Let’s just keep this between the two of us, okay?” he said when we were done. “I’m still not sure if I want him and me to break up, so I want to save it if I can.”

I felt a stab in my heart. “Of course.”

“Thanks,” he smiled.

“But you have to stop coming to me about him,” I said. “Because right now, I feel like shit.”

“Okay. I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“I’m sorry. I know you need someone right now and I promised you that you can always count on me, but I can’t be that guy anymore. Not with you. I like you too much already.”

“I understand.”

I closed my eyes and sighed.


  1. ano na naman to nishiboy?! hay naku ka talaga :)

  2. "Thank you for making me feel again."

    I will never forget that text message I sent a long time ago. :)

  3. I feel so used for you... :(

  4. sad. Is this a true story?

  5. nah, it's not really sad and i wasn't used. it wasn't like i didn't know what i was getting myself into. pinili ko din namang mapunta sa sitwasyong yun. akala ko kasi kaya ko.

  6. hay. but the good thing here (and the one i admire most) is your ability to be honest with your feelings to the point that you can actually tell him how you feel.

  7. Putcha naman. Nakakarelate. Blog ko ba to.

  8. Well it's still s-e-x.
    Just be thankful you're still getting it hahaha cheka lang

  9. Wow. Conflicted but nag-enjoy. Ang hirap mong intindihin Jap.

  10. i feel for you... been there too many times.. *sigh*

  11. AMF. Pumayag ka na ganun!?

  12. Jason, nagpagamit ka? ahehe, or was it the other way around?

  13. Ang lalim ng sigh. Perhaps you needed each other at that time =) Perhaps that moment was enough.


  14. amen ako kay kane... pwede namang pumayag na maging rebound s*x for 1 time... more than that is like picking up a stone which you will smack to your own head.

  15. “I’m sorry. I know you need someone right now and I promised you that you can always count on me, but I can’t be that guy anymore. Not with you. I like you too much already.”

    My heart bled.

  16. Intriguing. Haven't experienced such pero mukhang masakit (na exciting?).

  17. Ouch. But yeah, I totally get what the guy must be going through. Doesn't make it right, just that I understand.