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Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Sharing My Guy


I don't like sharing my guy. That's the reason why I've never been a fan of open relationships or even casual dating. I make sure that I have my guy locked down. Or so I used to. These past few months, I've been having a bit of a paradigm shift.

It started when I dated Kent, a guy who part-timed as a masseur. When we got to the point where we were already discussing the details of a possible relationship, I asked it to be open, more for the heck of it really than anything else. I've never tried an open relationship before and, given Kent's line of work, I was pretty sure he'd agree, and he did.

The relationship felt a bit strange to me. We were a couple and yet there he was, sleeping with other guys for money, and there I was, sleeping with other guys for fun. At the start, I felt a tiny bite of jealousy every time he told me that he was off to service a client, but I started to get used to it as the weeks passed.

So this is what it feels like to share your guy with others, I thought.

It wasn't that bad after all. That thing that I used to hear from other people about being confident that your guy will go home to you at the end of the day, I began to understand it. I was sure that Kent was still mine no matter how many “extra service” sessions he gave, and that was enough assurance for me. That was probably how Kent felt too, at least until I started showing signs of disinterest.

The sharing thing turned out to be more difficult when I experienced being the other guy. This happened when I started seeing Adam, who has a boyfriend of seven or eight years. I knew that there was no hope of me ever gaining enough worth to beat those years, but I jumped into the pseudo-relationship anyway.

My relationship with Adam was the opposite of what I had with Kent. This time, I knew that after every movie and dinner date, every night we spent cradled in each other's arms, every goodbye kiss after a great conversation over drinks, he would still go home to his partner.

In spite of my full understanding of our setup, however, there were still moments when I started to demand more. I remember walking out on him once, drunk and pissed off, when he said that he wouldn't leave his partner for me. As I scrambled into a taxi, he texted me that I was being unfair, that I knew perfectly well the limits of our relationship even before we decided to have it. Of course, I didn't have enough mental coherence to read it right then, but I realized that he was right the next morning. He was my guy, yes, but only for as long as he was at my side. Asking more that what he could offer was indeed unfair. Since then, I demanded only for my share, enjoyed it, and then stood by for my next turn.

It was during one of those standby-for-Adam periods that I met Brad. We met and went out for drinks, spent the next few hours downing bottle after bottle of beer, laughing and teasing, and stole a minute-long kiss before leaving. He was cute and he definitely knew how to work his charm. Apparently, my charm worked on him too because we continued going out after that.

There's one reason Brad and I aren't an official couple: we're both not ready yet. That's to say we're both still messing with other guys. There's one other guy he's dating concurrently with me. And I still can't let go of Adam completely. That's on top of each other's random hookups. We like each other a lot, but I know that jumping into a relationship right now would only screw us both. I know he does too.

I still find it strange. Just months ago, I probably couldn't even imagine myself sharing my guy, yet here I am now, even looking for someone to join us in a three-way. But I enjoy what Brad and I have right now: dates whenever our schedules allow, sweet messages in text or BBM, phone calls when one misses the other, and the occasional but nevertheless amazing sex. He could be having those with other guys too, but I don't mind. I should, but I don't. Maybe it's best to stop over-analyzing this and just go be happy with it.

17 comments:

  1. I'll always have mixed feelings about open relationships - and yes I say this in full knowledge that I'm now in what is essentially a monogamous relationship between three people. Talk about complicated.

    In some respects, open relationships always feel like training wheels for a bike. They may help you along the way but eventually you're going to have to take the wheels off if you want to ride. In the same regard, I'll always feel that if you're going to actually commit to being in a relationship, it means you have to commit.

    This is not to say that you can't have fun as partners. Sure you can invite someone over to share a threesome with you. It's a little easier when any outside encounters remain within the context of the relationship.

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  2. Again Jappy, why the need for complications?

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  3. Oh how so Taoist of you. Enjoy lang, you're young. When you're ready, you're ready. By then, you'll move mountains to settle and nest with one. Just one. Or two, or three. Whichever works for you. :)

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  4. oh I can relate in being the other guy. when i submitted myself to be the other guy.

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  5. MAKATI KA PA SA HIGAD, HOW CAN YOU FIND A LASTING RELATIONSHIP KUNG GANYAN KA.

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  6. gosh you never, ever get contented. i guess that's the reason why you are still technically single...

    you have issues about yourself and how you treat relationships. but im guessing you are too scared to face it, that you just compensate in jumping into "relationships" one after the other... you are afraid of becoming alone, but at times it is in solitude where you find yourself and what you really want in life..

    yes, you might defend yourself with the mantra, enjoy while your still young, but at the end of it all, you might end up all alone, lonely, wondering what made you arrived on that way of life.

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  7. so, uhm, this was what's been happening to you pala.. then, i thought, parang ang tagal na tuloy nung huli kitang nakita, eh nung birthday lang ni Yas yun ah..

    atleast, bumawi ka dito sa post na 'to.. kung gaano ka katahimik sa bbm group natin, eto naman at you poured your heart out on this post.. although, methinks someone's missing in the story..

    thanks for the updating us, your readers, with what's been happening sa 'yo.. :)

    *hugs*

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  8. I have heard about masahistas giving extra service pero I never thought they are already known for that na pala. Nakaka shock ang mga pagbabago sa panahon! I haven't even experienced having a massage na walang extra service, what morey ung meron. Baka mag titili ako. Haha.

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  9. been there and done that. Trust me its not worth it. Yes you are still young, experimenting, testing waters and all but its a crap. You have to find someone who fits your hand. Someone who will take care of you, loves you and adores you. When i was young i was a bit playful, flirt and active until I became 27 y/o. That's the time when my old me flashed in front of me. Deep thoughts came into my mind. Then I decided to go clean. If you want to be happy in love then think all over again if you are really seeking for a serious stuff. If not, play around and don't cry or have regrets. Choice. Free-will. you have it.

    Kudos for these beautiful entries! I enjoy reading your stories.



    hadji

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  10. i don't know what to say... but nevertheless, i am happy with how you are starting to "analyze and realize" things now. ours may have not worked out good, but i'm happy that we're still cool (despite some emo moments at times, all coming from me!).

    things will be fine Jap. you're a very good guy, you deserve to be happy.

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  11. Grabe. Bakit ganito na panahon ngayon? Nakakakilabot....

    Im still hoping that in the near future, you'll find the "one", para di ka na magpalipat-lipat.....

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  12. Hi nishi.. I was lost and now I'm back.. i don't know why I don't feel weird reading post like this.. may problema yata utak ko... and I know you'll learn from all of this..

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  13. Hi Kamilla!!! Wala lang. Back to Nish. Di talaga kita ma gets pero I'm trying my best to understand being in your shoes (anong size?). Baaaaaa. Bakit kaya di ka mapanatag sa isa? Haysh. Sige na lang. Todo understand lang ang role ko.

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  14. Ahh sabi ko na nga ba parang kilala ko kung sino si Kent. =). Sorry my first time to read this post.

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  15. lol i have a bf. We've been together for 3 months pero nakikipagkita pa ako sa iba. I know na super faithful sya sakin considering na mas bata sya sakin pero here I am cheating and naghahanap pa ng iba. Hayyys i feel bad after reading this post. I don't wanna experienced that pain again. Ayokong malagay ako sa situation na niloloko.

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