Three years. I’m a little surprised that it’s been that long since our relationship ended. Back then, I couldn’t even imagine a life without you. I was so sure that we were always going to be together. I held on until the very last strand of hope that we would get past the breakup and end up as a couple again.
I’m not really sure why I’m writing this. I guess, I do still think of you sometimes. I still remember some of our happy days. Those memories are not as vivid as they were before, I’ll admit. A lot of it as faded away, and I’m pretty sure my brain has just filled up a lot of the spaces. But I can still remember how it felt to love you. I remember how seeing you made my heart skip beats. I remember how I felt whenever you said my name. I remember how you fit in my arms when we slept. Some of those memories are still with me. I don’t know until when, but for now, I still have them.
But I guess, with those memories, it’s inevitable that I also remember some of the pain, the feeling of being suffocated by the embrace of love and hate.
I know that I was a very difficult person to love. You had me when I was at my lowest. I was already broken when you found me, and the pieces crumbled further under your every touch. You did your best to love me, but I wasn’t ready.
I did my best to love you. I loved you the only way I knew how. I loved you with everything I had. But I was stupid. I thought I knew everything, but I knew absolutely nothing..I ended up hurting you too many times, too much.
Will we become friends someday? I don’t know. I can’t be friends with someone I can’t trust. And I can’t trust someone who hurt me and left me in such an undignified manner. I may not have been the best lover, but Im sure I deserved better than that kind of breakup. I’m afraid I’m not one of those people who can just forget without forgiving. And no, you don’t have my forgiveness.
You don’t have my forgiveness, because you never asked for it. You never walked up to me, looked me in the eye, and said sorry for the way that you left me. But that's okay. At this point, neither one of us needs that anymore. We’ve both moved on.
Hey, do you think things would have been different if we had met at a different time? I do. I can see things a lot more clearly now, and the more I think about our time together, the more I see that we had met too soon. I wish we had met when our hearts and minds were already at a better place. I wish we had met when I was more capable of loving you the way that you deserved to be loved. It always feels a little cruel to me, how fate led us to each other when I wasn’t ready.
We deserved better. You deserved so much better.
But that’s all just wishful thinking. What-if’s, what-could-have-been’s. This is the reality that we have now. We've parted ways, and we will continue on with our lives drifting further apart until we become all but strangers.
Such is our story. Such is the fate of our love.
