Friday, July 8, 2011

Next time, don't

"I’m thinking of having myself tested," I said as I was staring at my half-finished pizza slice.

"Tested?" he asked before taking a bite from the slice he was holding.

"For HIV," I answered.

He fell silent. I looked at him. He had stopped chewing and was staring at me with a slightly shocked expression.

"Why?" he asked after a few seconds.

"Nothing, I just want to be sure," I shrugged as I looked out through the glass wall of the restaurant. "And, well, I found out that a guy I had sex with once was just recently diagnosed positive," I added.

"What?" he asked in a panicked voice.

"Don’t worry," I said as I turned back at him. "The sex happened a long time ago."


I paused. "June, last year."

"Didn’t you get tested last year? When was that?"

"August. I was negative."

"How long is the incubation period?" he asked. His voice was starting to sound more and more agitated.

"I think it’s six months. That’s why I want to take the test again. Just to be sure," I repeated.

I waited for him to say something but he didn’t. He was looking down at the table, still looking shocked and worried.

"Don’t worry-"

"Will you stop telling me not to worry?!" he shot. "I’m practically half a virgin and right now, you’re telling me that I could have HIV from this monogamous relationship!"

I was stunned. I just looked at him for a few seconds while he buried his face in his hands. Then I started to get agitated myself.

"You know, you never had yourself tested. That means I’m actually more in danger from you than you are from me," I shot back.

"I’m not promiscuous. I only ever had sex with a few people and I’m sure that they were all clean," he said, rolling his eyes.

Then he looked me in the eye and continued, "I don’t have sex with random people I meet in restrooms or cinemas."

I was taken aback, not at all expecting to hear that. Many thoughts ran through my head and it took me a while to control them.

"You can’t throw that at me," I said firmly. "I already had myself tested for that and I’ve since stopped doing it. You know that."

He didn’t say anything. After a while, he muttered, "I’m sorry. Just, next time you feel the need to get tested, keep it to yourself. Just tell me the result afterwards."

I didn’t say anything. We were both quiet for a few minutes. I finished my pizza without looking at him.

"This is already too awkward," I said finally. "I don’t think you should still come to my place tonight. I think you should just go home."

"Come on, let’s just go home together. We don’t have to fight."

"No, I mean it," I said, looking him in the eye. "I don’t feel comfortable spending the rest of the night with you anymore. Go. I’ll stay here for a while."

He didn’t move.

"Do you want me to leave instead?"

He didn’t say anything. After a few seconds, he stood up, picked up his bag and left.


  1. Oh man. You should have anticipated that kind of reaction from him.

    Now this one is uncalled for- "I don’t have sex with random people I meet in restrooms or cinemas.

    and this one bordering on ignorance -"I’m not promiscuous. I only ever had sex with a few people and I’m sure that they were all clean

    Wish you luck on your next test NB

  2. Hmmmm......

    Awareness of HIV helps. His reaction just comes to show he's not informed

  3. That was just rude and self-absorbed.

    Well, at least it's eye opener. People who have the audacity to get tested regularly should be commended. Sila ung mga taong responsable sa sarili nila at sa ibang tao. Wala naman sa dami nang nakakasex 'yan. Well, pwera nalang kung lahat sila may sertipiko ng pagsusuri.

    I hope you get tested.

  4. Here's my story on getting tested:

  5. hmmm... ang awkward nga nung usapan...

  6. Wow. I have no words. Just commiseration. I hope you guys work it out nevertheless.

  7. We really need to get away from the negative stigma associated with getting tested. It's not just about one feeling he is at risk of exposure due to a particular source (e.g. past sexual partner), but it's the responsible thing to do for as long as you're sexually active.

    I hope he sees the light and realizes that no sex is 100% safe even if it was just a few cases and he should have been more supportive by offering to get tested as well.

  8. awww. i felt bad about the lack of support.. getting tested doesn't really mean lack of confidence on a negative result, well it could somehow mean like that. still, if it is a "relationship" then you'd both have to go through highs and lows together. i don't want to judge John at this early.

  9. Yay. Awkward nga naman talaga. Si Sparky Spark Spark ba ito? Sheesh. Nitsa na ba ito ng relationship? Flabbergasted lang. Hope everything turns our alright between you two.

  10. Hmmm for sure, between both of you, that topic would be a bit awkward but you'll learn to talk about it smoothly soon. I guess his reaction was just normal [for me].

    Maybe give him time to think about it. I didn't have anyone telling me to get tested before I decided to get myself tested. In the end, it's a personal choice so just don't pressure him. And just understand the harsh words.

    Good luck ninyo. :)

  11. Oh wow. This is really tricky.

    Make or break tong moment na to in a relationship eh. I've been in his shoes before. Dala yan ng takot kaya may ganiyang response.

    The best cure to fear is information. Maybe you should talk about it logically, without personal attacks at each other. Medyo masakit yung sinabi niya pero yun nga, dala lang ng takot yun.

    I wish you both the best of luck! :)

  12. @nishiboy: oh wow, i'm on your bloglist.. thanks for following..

    oh and uhm, about the post.. on top of my head, i'd say "oooh, the drama" :P i'd also say he's waaay off-base, insensitive, and a self-righteous prick.. and not to mention, judgmental.. i mean, seriously, what's up with him? he, clearly, has more issues than vogue magazine.. *lol :P, maisingit lang*

    pero 'teh, madrama.. prng scene sa movie lng, ganyan..

    for me, yung time & place.. slightly mali.. dinner at a resto was supposed to be romantic.. if ever you'd wanna talk about a sensitive topic, it should've been at a place more intimate, like a coffee shop with less people around.. or somewhere more private, like back home snuggling on a couch while sipping chamomile tea (to relax the senses).. i think, that way, you two could put things, more, into perspective.. it could've been a productive talk..

    buti nga, he's not the type that would do grandstanding, sabay bolt out of the resto.. wow! i could only imagine the prying eyes of others who were dining at the resto..

    i'm sure, this will pass, and you'll eventually be able to work things out.. :)

    this is just my two cents (or four, ilan ba yung sinabi ko? naparami nga ata.. hahaha! :P )