Show's Over

My eyes are closed, a guy is kneeling in front of me and I am trying to savor every sensation he is giving me, but my entire body is already numb from alcohol. I feel another guy’s tongue trace a line from the back of my neck to my ear. A hand tries to pull up my shirt from behind, but I push it back down. All around me, I hear people whispering.

A bright light shines on my face and I see it through closed eyes. I quickly pull my pants up and turn away as the people around me start to scatter.

“Put that away,” someone whispers.

“But I can’t see anything,” someone answers.

A few more angry whispers and the light goes out, and everyone goes back to his place. The guy goes back to kneeling in front of me; he has not lost his stride. I close my eyes once again.

Someone behind me asks, “Are you close yet?”

I shake my head, eyes still closed, and let out a fake moan. The guy in front of me moves faster.

Someone calls my name, making me open my eyes. I look around and see a couple dozen people surrounding us. I try to search for a familiar face but it's too dark.

“There’s too many of them already,” I say as I push the guy away.

“Don’t mind them,” he says. I feel a hand hold me where his mouth was. He kisses me and I kiss him back. I feel more hands on me.

I turn away. “Wait, there’s really too many watching us already,”

I pull my pants up and break free of the hands and mouths holding me down. I get up and walk away. “Show’s over, ladies,” someone says. Sighs of dismay follow me as I squeeze through the wall of bodies. But it’s not long before the air is once again thick with sex. I look back; someone has already taken my place.

I’m back to where the lights and music are. The floor is still full of men dancing with total abandon. The sculpted ones are at the front, shirtless, gyrating and teasing. Everyone else is dancing in groups. Some are at the corners, flirting, kissing and groping.

I light a cigarette and watch everyone. Three weeks and this has become my life; three weeks of music, dancing, drinking and prowling the dark. Tonight is probably the worst.

Worst – no, I shouldn’t use that word. It’s different, but it’s really not bad at all. It’s pretty good, actually. The lights, the music and the people are beautiful. Add a little beer to the brain and they become almost scenic, radiating with an exquisite energy that breaks through my numbness.

Tonight, though, I think I have gone too far. I have to stop for now, lest I lose more of myself than I’m prepared to. I take one last lungful of smoke and drop my cigarette, stepping on its last embers as I walk out the door.

Show’s over for now.