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Monday, October 10, 2011

To BF

Hey boyfriend, it’s me.

So we’ve really come to this point. It took me a while to accept it, but I guess it’s time that I finally did.

Wasn’t it just months ago when we started commenting on each other’s blogs? Then we met and I saw how beautiful you were inside and out. I’ve probably told you this too many times already, but I really did have a huge crush on you ever since that night we first met, since the first time I saw you walking towards me, beaming with that boyish smile.

Dimples, a perfect set of teeth, eyes that sparkled – I honestly don’t know what more I could ask for from a smile.

I didn’t think it was possible, but it happened: you became my boyfriend. For the first time in a long time, I told somebody that I loved him, and wow, did it feel good? I had already forgotten what it felt like to be happy and in love, and I felt so lucky that it was you who reminded me.

I really did love you. I know there might have been times when my actions said otherwise. Heck, I even told you that I hated you once. But for all my cheap words are worth, I’ve always been in love with you. That never changed.

I’m sorry if I was too harsh on you when we last talked. I just really wanted you to make a decision and stick to it. That’s one way to get off a slump, right? You told me that once. I’m sorry, I only wanted to help. And I’m sorry that I couldn’t be of more help.

I wish we could just go back to those days when we were still getting to know each other; those nights we spent talking and laughing on the phone for hours. You’d read me those Kokology questions, I’d answer after thinking it over for half a minute, and you’d tell me that I think too much for the questions to work. Then we’d talk some more until I fall asleep, or pretend to fall asleep. Then you, thinking that I’ve already dozed off, whisper “I love you, thank you for coming into my life,” before hanging up.

We had a good story, so good I thought it would last forever.

I’d ask you to talk to me one last time, but you probably won’t give that to me. You’ve made it pretty clear that I’m already out of your life, which means this is me turning on the desperate switch. I don’t know, maybe I just thought that I was worth more than a breakup text. I can handle it, you know? I actually prefer an actual conversation. Your text probably already said everything you wanted to say, but I still want to hear your voice when you say it.

Right, so this is where I stop myself. I’m so close to begging, and it’s not hot at all. I hope I get to see you again someday, bf. You’re a beautiful person, more than you give yourself credit for. Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Jap

17 comments:

  1. some good things never last no?

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  2. august, september, october

    nasa crucial stage pa kasi kayo = 3 months.

    Maaayos nyo pa yan. Sayang naman ang 3 months noh? Txt me papa jap, i'm just around the corner. Inom tau bilis!

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  3. ang sad nito please. :D well, someday, the reason behind this all will come. By then, you would be smiling na! :D

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  4. Awww. /hugs. Reading this makes me feel so sad. I don't even know you or your boyfriend but I want you two to be together. Your honesty is so profound in your writing and I hope that your heart heals. All that I can say is (from experience) that what you feel inside about him is probably true of him feeling about you. That is what it means to be human. Reaching out like this is a great way to try and heal the wounds that you've obviously inflicted upon each other. I wish you luck and happiness.

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  5. nagawa ko na makipag break sa text dati...and I wished I did it in person nalang nun marealized ko.

    break ups are tough...hayaan mo, sa una lang naman masakit...it gets better soon.

    ingats!

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  6. This is a breath of fresh air. :)

    Sigh, it gets better after this.

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  7. @jap: aww.. *hugs* hang in there! maybe the BF didn't want an actual breakup, in person, coz he's afraid you might beg.. and he might re-consider.. there would be waaay too much intense emotions..

    unlike yung text, plain lang.. no emotions, no drama, less hassle..

    but you're right.. you deserve more than just a breakup text..

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  8. (I hate to generalize but) generally relationships between bloggers hardly work. Maybe we're all too in touch with our emotions? idk..

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  9. Boy... this hit me right in the center...

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  10. Paki-pasa naman ng tissue. Ika nga ni Lady Gaga:

    "I wanna drink my tears tonight. I wanna drink my tears and cry. 'Coz I know yo love me baby."

    (Mali yata ang lyrics ko. Kiburlah na.)

    Grabe. Ang heavy ng entry na ito.

    ReplyDelete
  11. What? 2 days ago pa ito na-post yet walang nag comment?
    Jap, I feel for you. Sheesh. Aray, ang sakit, kahit sa imagination ko lang. To BF... Grabe ka naman... harsh...
    Jap... Take things a day at a time... wag mag-dwell sa nega vibes ha!

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  12. On a lighter note... Kokology is fun... =) I hope u are OK now Nishi... =)

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  13. Oh my, Jap! Heart-crushing naman nito. Iinom mo na lang.

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  14. Awwww... You'll find someone better, dude.

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