Thursday, November 10, 2011

How I Found The Guys I Dated

“How do I find a partner?”

It’s still one question that we gays find ourselves asking more often than we admit. If one listens to our stories of impromptu hookups, one could actually think that it’s easy for us to find partners. But that’s just sex. Sex is a lot easier to find than a boyfriend. Maybe that’s why many of us try to look for love in those places where we find sex: bath houses, massage parlors, social networking sites and all the rest. There’s nothing wrong with that. I know of partners who first met in those places and worked out just fine. As for me, though, I haven’t yet tried looking there.

Here is how I met the guys I had relationships/serious dates with:

I met my first boyfriend in an MMORPG that I played back in college. His name was Mike and he was my guildmate. We met when a few members of our guild held a “guild eyeball”. He initially claimed to be straight but that was quickly debunked on our first night, when he kissed me and I blew him. He “proposed” to me the next day, through the game chat, while we were busy slaughtering monsters. We lasted two weeks.

My next boyfriend was Vince, an orgmate in college. He told me that I’ve been his crush ever since he was still applying for our org. I didn’t entertain his confession at first because he wasn’t my type and because I had my eyes on someone else, but that someone rejected me so I said “yes” to Vince. However, he kind of knew that he was just a fallback and it made him very insecure. He got jealous of everyone, even the guy who sold fruit shakes near my apartment who I said was cute. I got tired of it all after two months and broke up with him.

After a couple of months, I met my third boyfriend: Philip. He was my roommate’s visitor. I had to leave for an exam when we first met so we didn’t get to talk a lot. When I got back home, he had already left. I spent the night thinking of ways to get his number from my roommate, which I eventually did, then spent the entire morning after staring at his name in my phonebook, thinking about what to say to him. Then I got a text. From him. Apparently, he also did some number-fishing of his own while I was gone. We went on our first date that night and became official after a week. We lasted two years and ten months. (If you're interested in the details, it's HERE.)

I went on a series of dates after the breakup, the first of which was with Carlo. He was with one of my friends when I joined them for a drink. I immediately thought that he was cute, but also that he was out of my reach. Nevertheless, I asked my friend to set us up on a date. My friend just smiled. A month later, she asked me if I was still interested. Apparently, she mentioned me to Carlo, and it turned out that he also had a crush on me. We finally had our first date a couple of weeks after that, and we continued seeing each other for the next two months.

Carlo and I didn’t exactly end on good terms. I was quite bitter, actually. Partly for revenge, I went back two weeks later to the bar we used to hang out in. There was a big party, and sure enough, Carlo was there with his friends. I decided to flirt with one of his friends whom I’ve also been crushing on: a 42-year old guy named Felipe. I was surprised when he flirted back, and even more surprised when I woke up in his place the morning after. Our setup was weird, what with him being friends with Carlo, but we went out a few more times after that.

Then I met Aaron. He was the brother of an orgmate and he also happened to be Philip’s officemate. We met at one of the many Pride March after-parties in Malate. The first time we met, I already had a distinct feeling that he hated me, which was confirmed later on. He knew about how Philip and I broke up and he had a picture of me as this heartless creature that made Philip cry. Then we got to know each other and he realized that I wasn’t such a bad guy. (Lol) We went to Malate again, just the two of us, and we still had so much fun. We started dating shortly after that. We dated for two weeks, until we agreed that we fit better as friends.

It was around this time when I found a really interesting blog. The blogger’s name was Jeff. We started commenting on each other’s blogs and we eventually agreed to meet up. He was really cute and I instantly had a crush on him. We met again a few more times. Then I tried to pursue him. The problem was he was still hung up on his ex, so it didn’t go anywhere.

To get over my frustration over Jeff, I asked several of my friends to set me up on dates. Unexpectedly, the one who responded was one of my instructors in college. He set me up with John. We met in a mall, had dinner and then talked for a couple of hours. It was obvious that we liked each other; our matchmaker had done a good job. But there was one problem: he was closeted and I was mostly out. I decided to have a time-out while we sorted out our situation.

While John and I were on a time-out, I noticed one of my officemates making his move on me. His name was Dan. It wasn’t actually our first time; we’ve known each other since college days and we’ve had an overnight fling before, but this time he was serious. His biggest advantage over John was that he was out. We went out for two weeks. We had a good time, but I was still hung up on John. I decided to end it with Dan and try again with John.

My second attempt at dating John went well at first, until THIS happened. I decided to call it quits for good after that. It was around that time that Jeff and I started talking again. That was four months after we first met. Things went faster between us this time. I visited him after a month of nightly phone conversations, and then we became official after a few more weeks. We didn’t last long, only three weeks, but he was still a great love. He dumped me, by the way.

So there, that’s how I found the guys I dated. Right now, I’m sort of seeing this guy I met through a BBM group. The group had a meet-up, and we were the hecklers in the group. We ended up going to his place. It’s still too early to tell where this is headed, but if he becomes my next boyfriend, then I won’t mind. I’d like it, actually. Lol.

I wrote this entry partly to answer the first question raised by MGG for the Love Yourself Cafe. I won’t be able to participate in the discussion, because I’ll be HERE.

If you can join in the discussion, then you should go ahead and request for an invitation. We seldom get the chance to have a healthy discourse on love and relationships between MSM.


  1. pak!
    at sana makajosok ako bilang finalist!
    parang may maibabahagi naman akong maganda. harhar

  2. Interesting. Interjections on my mind of our goldstar conversation a week ago then makes me think that guys are easier to find than girls. =)

  3. sana magkabalikan kau ni Philip, betsung ko talaga sya para sau.

    i know sya lang ang magpapatino sau.

    - kate (friend ni kimberly and estefanie)

  4. @Drew: di masyado nagmamatter ang age, basta isip-bata. yun kahinaan ko eh. hehe.

    @lanchie: ok lang yan, lahat tayo may kwento. yun ang point nung cafe, para magkausap-usap ang mga taong may iba't-ibang kwento.

    @berde: i wouldn't know, since i've never really gone after girls. haha.

    @kate: muntik mo nang sabihing hindi ako matino. epalinda ka pa rin talaga. haha. -michiko

  5. hongdami! hahaha

    muntik na ko mahilo!

  6. sus. sa panahon ngayon, demure na ang tulad ko. alam mo yaaaan. =P

  7. "You have holes in your heart that can only be filled by a pair of trousers."

    -edie britt, desperate housewives...

    clearly i could see you don't seek love, you just don't want to be alone cause it makes you afraid of things...

  8. we are so much better off as friends :)

  9. true nga ata ang saying na wag hanapin ang love at kusa yan darating. :)) BTW what do you mean na out ka? for me kasi maraming case pa rin yun. Meron yung kilos lalaki pa rin and hindi binubulgar na out unless itanung and meron din yung girly girly type if u know what i mean.

  10. @anonymous: it's amazing how much you can tell from a blog post. =)

    @nox: yeah. pwede kitang kupalin at barahin anytime. =D

    @ardent1: out as in alam ng mga tao na bading ako. being out has nothing to do with how you express your gayness. =)

  11. yeah, i know you are more than just a guy who needs to be filled up with unnecessary and rushed love affairs....
    -still mr anonymous

  12. wow, you came back. you're not just trolling, you're really interested.

    i guess you deserve a proper reply:

    i like a guy and i find out that he likes me back so we get to know each other. i hope that the guy is the one, but i don't force it if it doesn't work out. it might have seemed that i was rushing, but no. it just didn't work out.

    i don't mind being single. i'm perfectly capable of living without a guy. but i won't reject potential dates just to prove that.

  13. that's the spirit.... it's just that i can't believe how fast you recover from guy affairs..oh well, that i think is the reality of gay relationships, the process of moving on is as short as this reply...

    -yes, still mr anonymous...

  14. noooo, it actually takes me a long time to move on. i was still in love with philip when i was dating aaron. and i'm still in love with jeff until now. it will be a long time before i get over him. but i can't keep holding on, right? it's over and i have to move on.

    now, whether or not it's right to date someone when you're still not over your ex, well, is a different issue. one that's not exclusive to gay relationships.

  15. wow, it seems very easy for you to be in a relationship while as for me, i find it very difficult. huhu : (

  16. So that's how it is... tinalo mo pa mga girlaloo.. feeling ko madali ka maging crush!!

  17. It just goes to show you that love can appear whenever you least expect it :) Great post

  18. @ERS: like michael and ardent said, love appears when you least expect it, at mas maganda kung hindi mo aabangan. at least, ganun sakin. which is why i don't find potential dates in clubs, where people, including me, have their "cool and desirable" persona on.

    @kamil: oo, madali lang. huggable kasi ako. haha.

    @michael: yeah, that was exactly what i wanted to show through this post. potential partners can come from anywhere, you don't have to restrict yourself to looking only in social networking sites, which is the case for many Filipinos as far as i can see.

  19. In demand. In demand jud DMD. :))

  20. Ang dami ah. Hahaha! I sort of had the same story years ago. Here's to you and the success of your love life! Cheers!