I Didn't See This Coming

There’s really no way to foresee if you will like someone or not. You can make a checklist and the guy can fail in one out of every five items, but you still end up liking him. Conversely, he can fit the bill perfectly, then you find out that there’s no spark.

Of course, that might not apply to you. I’m really just talking about me and the guys I date. Take the last two guys I dated for example. First, there was John, the closeted guy. I liked him and he told me he liked me back. We had a few, well actually, a lot of issues because he was closeted and I was mostly out, but we gave it a shot anyway. We dated for a month. We had a great time. Never mind that he practically runs every time he sees people looking at us, or that I have to stay three feet away from him when we’re out in public, or that he always wants us to be in secluded areas (well, sometimes those are fun), we enjoyed every moment we spent with each other anyway.

Then came Danny, the guy who fearlessly professed his…um…like for me in front of a couple of my friends. We went out once and I was reminded of how liberating it was to not care about what people might think. I had a really great time with him, but I turned him down because I was still dating John.

But John and I stopped dating a few days later. We found that the difference in our lifestyle and choices was too big for us to handle and we decided to end it. So I tried dating Danny. I must say, he definitely knew how to woo a guy. He did everything right. And it didn’t hurt that we had a lot in common either. We work in the same company, we are members of the same organization, we both sing in videoke with a passion and we’re both programmers, among other things. And most of all, we’re both out. All of the things that I thought John lacked, I found in Danny.

But there was something Danny didn’t have that John did: that goddamned spark.

So there I was, dating the guy who had a lot of the things that I wanted, but I was still wondering how things would have worked out between me and John if we had both tried harder. Danny was going to introduce me to his friends. He had everything planned out for days. But there I was on the night before the planned meet-the-friends, texting John and telling him that I missed him.

Then my phone rang. It was John. I answered it and two minutes into the call, my eyes started welling up. I was a friggin high-schooler in tears from hearing her crush’s voice. I haven’t been that ashamed of myself since I watched that Sarah Geronimo and Gerald Anderson movie. But, cheesy as it sounds, those tears made me realize that John really does matter to me.

So John and I are going to meet next week and talk things over. We’re going to give it another shot. No more holding back this time. I will once again jump off the edge with my hands in the air. If it doesn’t work out and I fall smack to the ground again…well, why would I even think about that? There’s no point in doing this if I’ll only expect it to fail. I’m going to take the plunge and savor the rush of the wind, tumbling through the air with my arms spread wide open and my heart beating at its fastest.

And yes, I’m going to admit it now.

I think it’s possible that I may somehow already be kind of in love with him. Sort of.