Saturday, June 18, 2011

I Didn't See This Coming

There’s really no way to foresee if you will like someone or not. You can make a checklist and the guy can fail in one out of every five items, but you still end up liking him. Conversely, he can fit the bill perfectly, then you find out that there’s no spark.

Of course, that might not apply to you. I’m really just talking about me and the guys I date. Take the last two guys I dated for example. First, there was John, the closeted guy. I liked him and he told me he liked me back. We had a few, well actually, a lot of issues because he was closeted and I was mostly out, but we gave it a shot anyway. We dated for a month. We had a great time. Never mind that he practically runs every time he sees people looking at us, or that I have to stay three feet away from him when we’re out in public, or that he always wants us to be in secluded areas (well, sometimes those are fun), we enjoyed every moment we spent with each other anyway.

Then came Danny, the guy who fearlessly professed his…um…like for me in front of a couple of my friends. We went out once and I was reminded of how liberating it was to not care about what people might think. I had a really great time with him, but I turned him down because I was still dating John.

But John and I stopped dating a few days later. We found that the difference in our lifestyle and choices was too big for us to handle and we decided to end it. So I tried dating Danny. I must say, he definitely knew how to woo a guy. He did everything right. And it didn’t hurt that we had a lot in common either. We work in the same company, we are members of the same organization, we both sing in videoke with a passion and we’re both programmers, among other things. And most of all, we’re both out. All of the things that I thought John lacked, I found in Danny.

But there was something Danny didn’t have that John did: that goddamned spark.

So there I was, dating the guy who had a lot of the things that I wanted, but I was still wondering how things would have worked out between me and John if we had both tried harder. Danny was going to introduce me to his friends. He had everything planned out for days. But there I was on the night before the planned meet-the-friends, texting John and telling him that I missed him.

Then my phone rang. It was John. I answered it and two minutes into the call, my eyes started welling up. I was a friggin high-schooler in tears from hearing her crush’s voice. I haven’t been that ashamed of myself since I watched that Sarah Geronimo and Gerald Anderson movie. But, cheesy as it sounds, those tears made me realize that John really does matter to me.

So John and I are going to meet next week and talk things over. We’re going to give it another shot. No more holding back this time. I will once again jump off the edge with my hands in the air. If it doesn’t work out and I fall smack to the ground again…well, why would I even think about that? There’s no point in doing this if I’ll only expect it to fail. I’m going to take the plunge and savor the rush of the wind, tumbling through the air with my arms spread wide open and my heart beating at its fastest.

And yes, I’m going to admit it now.

I think it’s possible that I may somehow already be kind of in love with him. Sort of.


  1. Mas gusto mo yung hindi ikaw. Yung may effort.

    If it's love, no one else can do it better.

  2. Compliment each other rather than finding things that you have in common. (lakas ng loob magbigay ng advice. hehe.)

  3. This made me smile, Jap. :)

    Best wishes.

  4. Oh no...i think john's a little bit complicated...i mean,imagine di kayo pwde magsabay maglakad kasi baka may makakilala sa knya na may kasama na out na guy like you? well, if you're ready to handle that among other things...

    i will say...goodluck and sana siya na nga hehehe

  5. Hahaha nice! I'm amused and happy for you. That goddamned spark jud? Well it's nice you found it in John.

    Best wishes! ;)

  6. super likeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! :D keep it up! :)

  7. Good luck Jap! Complicated ang papasukin mo pero kung liligaya ka naman eh ituloy mo lang. :)

  8. Loving this post Nish! oh that damned elusive spark. Imagaine how much simpler life would be if only we could pick and choose the ones we fall for.

  9. Let's see how it goes. All the best Nishiman. :)

  10. unsolicited advice, forget about what ifs. don't bother with possible endings. remember that it's the journey that matters, the destination is just a means for you to take on the road..

  11. goodluck jays. ikaw na talaga!!! dami mong boyletssssss. LOL.

    infair, hindi ako naiyak sa entry mo na to. napigilan ko. hehehehe

  12. i go where my heart says i'll be happy.

    hope u find ur happiness. :-)

  13. here's to that leap of faith! *cross fingers

  14. Good luck!

    If anything, as long as the two can meet halfway, then this might actually go somewhere. While I'm not saying John needs to come out right now (that's his call as to when), he will need to learn to make some compromises. Well, meaning that the whole world is not studying his every move to out him to his folks or something.

  15. Go for John! Damang-dama ko yung kilig factor mo for him (pati ako kinikilig na tuloy! hehe)... so go where you're heart yearns. As for your differences, the world doesn't need to know the affairs of your heart. So intindihin mo na lang muna issues ni John (he'll turn around eventually). And don't u find the idea sexy? Yung tipong pag nasa public kayo, maghaharutan kayo na parang mag-bro lang, pero di nila alam you're doing each other! I find that sexy!

    I actually want that mutant power - to detect discreet guys who "do" each other, then I'll give them the most "confirming" look like I know what's going on and they'll get too conscious about it... and I'll spoil their "moment"! haha I know, I'm saddistic like that! haha Sorry I talk too much!

    Just go for the gold, bro!
    ... and make it work! ;)

  16. Huh!!!
    I won! Somehow I got this one right. Told ya so! (Oo, mehganun!) Kasi nga, for someone like John na di pa ganun ka OUT, one great step talaga yung makipag-date na. Honest. I feel the urge talaga everytime. I think I know how he feels. Iba talaga yun. Wehe. Talagang may something na din yun siya para sa iyo enough for him to force himself out of his shell. Wehehehe. Go Jap.

    And, sana huwag paasahin yung isa...

  17. This made me smile, too. =)

    Really, I think genuine shots at happiness are too few and far between in our lives to take for granted. You're a brave person for exploring the possibility that this could be one of them.

    I hope it works out. =)

  18. Eto pala yun. Good luck, Nishiboy :)