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Friday, September 16, 2011

A Rant About My Mother

I got a bit short on finances a few days ago and I needed a pretty big amount to survive the next couple of weeks. The money I needed was not something I can loan from friends without the risk of enslavement, so I had to pick what seemed to be a less destructive alternative: I borrowed money from my mom.

She agreed to loan me the money I needed and I promised to pay her back as soon as I got my final pay from my previous company. Everything was going fine and our text messages to each other were very polite. But the problem came when we were trying to agree on how to send the money.

See, I only have an account in one bank, and that bank doesn’t have a branch in my hometown. Sending the money through those pawnshops’ money-sending services was out of the question since they cost too much. My mom suggested sending it to my aunt but going to her place will be too much hassle for me.

We were running out of options, so I turned to my friends. Fortunately, I had a former office mate who had an account in one of the three banks that did have branches in our town. His name was Bryan. I sent his account details to my mom and told her to deposit the money into his account instead.

That was when her texts started to change.

First she asked me who Bryan was, where I met him and how long I have known him. I answered all her questions: Bryan was a former officemate whom I’ve known since college.

Her next question was on why I suddenly decided to use his account. Of course, it was because we were running out of options.

Then she started berating me on why I didn’t have an account in one of the banks that we had in our town. Well, that was because the bank I chose was the most convenient for me.

She had plenty of other questions and she suggested plenty of other impractical alternatives. Finally, I asked her why she won’t just send the money to Bryan like I suggested.

Her answer:

“Nag-aalangan akong magpadala ng pera dun. Hindi ko mapigilang mag-isip ng kung anu-ano.”
(I don’t feel comfortable sending it to that person. I can’t help but wonder why you want to use his account.)

Ah, so that’s why. My mom knew that I was gay. And she thought Bryan was a guy I was spending money on. Back in college, she thought I was spending my money on drugs. Now, she thinks I’m spending it on men.

I just lost it from that point on.

Ma, wag na nga lang. Sa iba na lang ako uutang. Iniisip mo na namang gumagastos ako sa lalaki dahil bading ako. Nakakainsulto na.
(Never mind, I’ll just borrow from someone else. You think that because I’m gay, I spend all my money on men. I’m offended that you think that.)

Wag ka naman magalit. Dapat nga maawa ka sa akin dahil sobrang affected ako.
(Instead of getting mad, you should feel sorry for me because I’m affected by all of this.)

Eh sa akin, hindi ka naawa? Noon mo pa ako iniinsulto sa tuwing pinagdududahan mo ako.
(What about me? You’ve been thinking that way about me for a long time. You’ve been insulting me for a long time.)

Sige anak, hindi mo na ata kailangan ang mga advice ko. Hindi na ako magpaparamdam sayo kahit kelan.
(Okay, it seems you don’t need me anymore. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you from now on.)

Ganyan ka naman palagi eh. Pag nangangatwiran ako, hinahamon mo ako na magkalimutan na lang.
(You always do that. You threaten to not speak to me ever again whenever I try to tell my side.)

Sana mamatay na lang ako para hindi ko na to pinagdadaanan. Ayoko ng ganitong buhay, yung palaging nag-iisip.
(I don’t want this kind of life, where I always have to wonder. I wish I would just die.)

Ganyan ka din palagi. Magbabanta kang magpakamatay imbes na pakinggan ako.
(You always do that too. You threaten to kill yourself instead of just listening.)

That was followed by more texts that were just as melodramatic. We both thought we were misunderstood and we both wanted to make the other one see things the way we saw them. A lot of people tell me that I should just try to understand her. I tried. I really did. I’ve been patiently trying to understand her for the past five years but it’s been useless. She still thinks my life is a waste just because I happened to be gay. It’s time that I stopped. I can’t spend the rest of my life giving way to her.

In the end, she still sent the money to Bryan’s account, but it didn’t lessen the stress I felt. I hate arguing with my mother and that was the worst one we had over text. My heart was beat up from her harsh words and my fingers hurt from angry typing.

And I couldn’t even turn to my boyfriend for comfort because he was still busy dealing with his own issues far away from me. I had to text my ex for emotional support. Yes, I was that pathetic.

It was just too much stress for one day. I just had to do something to take as least some of the stress off. When I met Bryan that night, I asked him if I could use his credit card. I ended up buying this:

I think I should have just borrowed money from him in the first place.


  1. Nagaalala lang siguro yung nanay mo. May mom's instincts siya although maaring hindi yon palaging tama. Gusto niya lang mapalagay ang loob niya, besides, hindi madaling maglabas ng malaking pera.

    Pero, look at her intention, it is still good. Although I think hindi ka basta basta dapat pagbintangan.

    Ganong talaga ang mga nanay minsan, marami din silang insecurities, kaya nagiging emotional sila.

    Sana maayos na ang problema niyo. Huwag niyo na patagalin, kasi dadamdamin talaga niya yon.

    nice phone, ganyan din ang phone ko, and I am very satisfied sa performance. Pati pics maganda, hindi ko na kailangan dalhin yung DSLR ko.


  2. woah - bummer... but hey, moms are supposed to be like that - control freaks, manipulative and overly suspicious. you're both too alike it hurts to admit it. whats your BB pin? hehe :)

  3. and that phone added to your liabilities.does it make you feel better?

  4. Oh wow. I did not see that ending coming. lol

    Anyway, here's my worthless two cents: you and your mom are more alike than it seems. You both just really want to be heard. If i remember right, relatively new to sa kaniya. Di pa niya siguro alam how it works these days. Iba naman kasi ang peg ng mga bading in her time. So I guess kaya ganun naisip niya. Be happy that she's trying to understand. She really needs you so she can see what its like these days and when you do, malay mo she'll loosen up.

    Plus you gotta at least appreciate the drama. Levelings!! :)

  5. And I thought I was the only one with an insanely melodramatic Mom. I swear I could hear my mother's voice when I was reading your mom's messages. Gay boy problems.

  6. Lesson Learned: Make sure you have more money than your mother. Lol.

    Grabe ka pala ma-istress, gumagastos!! Haha.

  7. Lol @ Citybuoy's "peg".

    Ang mga mudra minsan mas drama queen pa sa lahat ng mga Primetime Bida Queens lol. Kidding aside, I really feel for you sa part na nagmi-"meet me halfway" kayo ni Mother kahit mahirap. Sometimes, I thought of compromising na lang para maayos man ang dapat maayos.

  8. @rah: hay, she'll come around eventually. i hope. and yeah, i've been playing with this new toy for the last three days. haha. katuwa.

    @kaloy: email me and i'll give you my bb pin. hehe.

    @anon: i have a new toy to play with so yes, it made me feel a lot better. you know, kids and their toys.

    @city: this is why i'm not that fond of soap operas. wala silang sinabi sa nanay ko. haha.

  9. @vajarl: gay boy problems indeed. we still can't take the "queen" title away from our moms. lol.

    @mugen: kaya ayokong naiistress! haha.

    @ronnie: ah well, i can't compromise on this. it's all or nothing. or more like all or all.

  10. Aw. Had I known this I should have DMed you my BBM pin. Tsk. Grabeha nga away bai, pano na lang ako pag nalaman ng nanay ko? Baka mas malala pa siya sa mama mo. :|
    Even our parents judge us. Oh well, life.

  11. bigla naman akong nakunsensya. totoo pala ang sinabi mong may problema ka sa finances, akala ko uma-aura ka lang tulad ni bunso. Sana pala inalok kita ng pahiramin muna, para di na kau nagkasagutan ni mudang. Alam ko kung bakit ka nangutang... haaays.

    cge bawi sau ang mga dolls, lalo na si Kate. hahahahaha.

  12. you borrow money because you need it for your finances then you borrow again to buy a blackberry... i think your mom's concern is justified, you dont know how to manage your life. and you rant about her to other peoople. she's your mom, she bore you for 9 months and took care of you, she is still trying to take care of you, the least you could do in not give her any heart ache.

  13. I will no longer comment about your mother so let me shift my attention to your phone instead---good choice.

  14. yay! new phone lumipat lang ng company. hahaha! :D

  15. Ayyyy! Kaloka si mother... Actually ako din... Ganun siguro talaga ang reactions ng mga mudra natin... =) Pero lagi ko syang ina-assure na hindi ako gumagastos sa lalaki... And mas maganda sana kung napag-usapan nyo sa call... Kasi iba talaga minsan ang tono sa text... Mas prone for misinterpretation... =)

  16. @gb: dm mo pa din sakin pin. mo. =P and yeah, it's heartbreaking when our parents judge us.

    @pilyo: yan kasi judgemental ka. haha. pero thanks, bumawi ka naman nang bonggang bongga nung weekend.

  17. @ryan: bili ka ulit ng bb.

    @cupcake: haha. kelangan ko ng lalagyan nung inissue na sim. thanks kay baby sa credit card.

    @vivi: hay... eh kasi ilang beses na naming napagtalunan to eh. napag-usapan na namin to nang harap-harapan. pero paulit-ulit pa din.

  18. @anonymous:

    "you borrow money because you need it for your finances then you borrow again to buy a blackberry..."

    i needed money because i changed jobs recently and i didn't earn much in my new company last payday. next payday, i'll be able to start paying both my mom and bryan. i'll probably even be able to pay my mom in full.

    "i think your mom's concern is justified, you dont know how to manage your life."

    i started living away from home when i was 13 years old. if i didn't know how to manage my life, i'd be a goner by now. sure, i made (and still make) mistakes, but come on, who doesn't? i'm doing my best. why is that the part that's so hard to see?

    "and you rant about her to other peoople."

    read the comments above. those other people can relate to what i posted. my mom did not get any haters from this post.

    "she's your mom, she bore you for 9 months and took care of you, she is still trying to take care of you, the least you could do in not give her any heart ache. "

    i'm extremely grateful that she gave me my life and that she guided me during its first years. but she can't keep trying to take care of me. she has to trust me to make my own decisions.

    i decided to embrace my sexuality. i know she wants me to go straight, but that's not her choice to make. if it breaks her heart that i chose differently, then there's nothing i can do about it but try to reassure her, which is what i've been trying to do ever since i came out to her five years ago. but she's blind to everything i've accomplished so far. all she sees is that her son is gay. that's what breaks MY heart.

  19. Let's not confuse the issue here. The issue is that borrowing money from people sucks and is cause for heightened feelings and stress. Your sexuality really has nothing to do with this. It's the money. It's always the money. Never forget that.

    I get hit up for money quite a bit from friends here in the states and it is always the most god-awful awkward situation ever. It never gets better.

    I do think you should look into getting a paypal account. It's free and it's easy to transfer money that way. Just my two cents.

  20. Ah well, I understand that it would appear that way based on what I wrote. But really, it's not the money. Money was never an issue between me and my mother. I went on vacation once and she volunteered to give me pocket money. When I told her that my laptop was broken, she immediately asked me how much I needed to have it fixed (I didn't take that offer, my laptop is still broken). It's really the sexuality.

    But a paypal account does sound good. I'm going to look into it.

  21. Yes, I'm waiting for OS v7.0, so I'll be phoneless for a while.

  22. Hay Nishi, your story alone was quite entertaining ... but add the comments and well, it's hilarious.

    People really can't help but make quick judgement calls on situations they aren't fully aware of no? Perhaps it's because we think we always know better.

    I hope ... you and your mom are in better terms now. Remember it must not be easy on her too, to accept your being gay. It can be a long process and it can cause more hurts and pains along the way.

    Sometimes, I think we have to understand our loved ones more. To give more love, even when it's just easier to be angry.

    I hope I'm making sense. Hope to catch you sometime =)


  23. i had an ugly fight with my mother yesterday

    has something to do with trust issues

    i can say you're still lucky to have her as your mom

  24. Just based on this article. Your probably spoiled alot by your Mom. When she's dead and your down hope that blackberry helps.

  25. go read the other comments, mr anonymous.