“How do I find a partner?”
It’s still one question that we gays find ourselves asking more often than we admit. If one listens to our stories of impromptu hookups, one could actually think that it’s easy for us to find partners. But that’s just sex. Sex is a lot easier to find than a boyfriend. Maybe that’s why many of us try to look for love in those places where we find sex: bath houses, massage parlors, social networking sites and all the rest. There’s nothing wrong with that. I know of partners who first met in those places and worked out just fine. As for me, though, I haven’t yet tried looking there.
Here is how I met the guys I had relationships/serious dates with:
I met my first boyfriend in an MMORPG that I played back in college. His name was
Mike and he was my guildmate. We met when a few members of our guild held a “guild eyeball”. He initially claimed to be straight but that was quickly debunked on our first night, when he kissed me and I blew him. He “proposed” to me the next day, through the game chat, while we were busy slaughtering monsters. We lasted two weeks.
My next boyfriend was
Vince, an orgmate in college. He told me that I’ve been his crush ever since he was still applying for our org. I didn’t entertain his confession at first because he wasn’t my type and because I had my eyes on someone else, but that someone rejected me so I said “yes” to Vince. However, he kind of knew that he was just a fallback and it made him very insecure. He got jealous of everyone, even the guy who sold fruit shakes near my apartment who I said was cute. I got tired of it all after two months and broke up with him.
After a couple of months, I met my third boyfriend:
Philip. He was my roommate’s visitor. I had to leave for an exam when we first met so we didn’t get to talk a lot. When I got back home, he had already left. I spent the night thinking of ways to get his number from my roommate, which I eventually did, then spent the entire morning after staring at his name in my phonebook, thinking about what to say to him. Then I got a text. From him. Apparently, he also did some number-fishing of his own while I was gone. We went on our first date that night and became official after a week. We lasted two years and ten months. (If you're interested in the details, it's
HERE.)
I went on a series of dates after the breakup, the first of which was with
Carlo. He was with one of my friends when I joined them for a drink. I immediately thought that he was cute, but also that he was out of my reach. Nevertheless, I asked my friend to set us up on a date. My friend just smiled. A month later, she asked me if I was still interested. Apparently, she mentioned me to Carlo, and it turned out that he also had a crush on me. We finally had our first date a couple of weeks after that, and we continued seeing each other for the next two months.
Carlo and I didn’t exactly end on good terms. I was quite bitter, actually. Partly for revenge, I went back two weeks later to the bar we used to hang out in. There was a big party, and sure enough, Carlo was there with his friends. I decided to flirt with one of his friends whom I’ve also been crushing on: a 42-year old guy named
Felipe. I was surprised when he flirted back, and even more surprised when I woke up in his place the morning after. Our setup was weird, what with him being friends with Carlo, but we went out a few more times after that.
Then I met
Aaron. He was the brother of an orgmate and he also happened to be Philip’s officemate. We met at one of the many Pride March after-parties in Malate. The first time we met, I already had a distinct feeling that he hated me, which was confirmed later on. He knew about how Philip and I broke up and he had a picture of me as this heartless creature that made Philip cry. Then we got to know each other and he realized that I wasn’t such a bad guy. (Lol) We went to Malate again, just the two of us, and we still had so much fun. We started dating shortly after that. We dated for two weeks, until we agreed that we fit better as friends.
It was around this time when I found a really interesting blog. The blogger’s name was
Jeff. We started commenting on each other’s blogs and we eventually agreed to meet up. He was really cute and I instantly had a crush on him. We met again a few more times. Then I tried to pursue him. The problem was he was still hung up on his ex, so it didn’t go anywhere.
To get over my frustration over Jeff, I asked several of my friends to set me up on dates. Unexpectedly, the one who responded was one of my instructors in college. He set me up with
John. We met in a mall, had dinner and then talked for a couple of hours. It was obvious that we liked each other; our matchmaker had done a good job. But there was one problem: he was closeted and I was mostly out. I decided to have a time-out while we sorted out our situation.
While John and I were on a time-out, I noticed one of my officemates making his move on me. His name was
Dan. It wasn’t actually our first time; we’ve known each other since college days and we’ve had an overnight fling before, but this time he was serious. His biggest advantage over John was that he was out. We went out for two weeks. We had a good time, but I was still hung up on John. I decided to end it with Dan and try again with John.
My second attempt at dating John went well at first, until
THIS happened. I decided to call it quits for good after that. It was around that time that
Jeff and I started talking again. That was four months after we first met. Things went faster between us this time. I
visited him after a month of nightly phone conversations, and then we became official after a few more weeks. We didn’t last long, only three weeks, but he was still a great love. He dumped me, by the way.
So there, that’s how I found the guys I dated. Right now, I’m sort of seeing this guy I met through a BBM group. The group had a meet-up, and we were the hecklers in the group. We ended up going to his place. It’s still too early to tell where this is headed, but if he becomes my next boyfriend, then I won’t mind. I’d like it, actually. Lol.
I wrote this entry partly to answer the first question raised by MGG for the Love Yourself Cafe. I won’t be able to participate in the discussion, because I’ll be HERE.
If you can join in the discussion, then you should go ahead and request for an invitation. We seldom get the chance to have a healthy discourse on love and relationships between MSM.
