I am twenty-five years old and I’ve recently been going through a “phase”. It’s the one where you feel like your life has been going on circles. I don’t know which way to go. I heard that this is called the “quarter-life crisis” or something. Assuming that I’ll live to be a hundred, I’m right on schedule.
The past several weeks have not been very pretty for me. I spent almost every night out drinking or cruising. Then I woke up the next afternoon with a nasty hangover. Sometimes, I still went to work for the rest of the day but most of the time I just went back to sleep.
I’m not really sure if I still like my job. I took it because I was already bored with my previous job but today, five months later, it’s already starting to bore me too. It’s stupid because I used to complain in my previous job that I did too little coding for a programmer. Now I’m bored because I do nothing but code.
Motivation is the key, I know. I have to find a reason to love my job so that I’ll put my best into it. That’s why I sometimes envy those guys who have families to feed or parents to impress. They have their motivation thrust so close to their faces that they never lose sight of it. For me, on the other hand, motivation has always depended on the fun I derive from what I do. Unfortunately, “fun” and “work” are more flings than lifelong partners.
Someone told me that she thinks this phase doesn’t just happen once, but rather comes in waves. Looking back on my past year, I think I have to agree with her. It did happen in waves, I just didn’t realize it. I was not prepared for them and my life got washed away every time.
I have to be ready. I’ve been pushing my luck too far already. Heck, it’s a wonder my boss didn’t fire me. I should take this opportunity to really clean up my act. Not going to work so that I could play Kingdom Hearts in the morning and go partying in the evening is not the way to get out of this circle.
I’m going old-school on it this time. I’m going to work for the money and the experience points. I still have no idea where I want to go from here, my life is still going on circles, but it’s okay. I’ll keep an eye out for all the possible exits so until I find the one I’m looking for. At least, when that happens, I’ll have enough resources to go for it.
Good enough for a motivation.