My Ideal Guy

Last night, while I was going through my old files in my laptop, I found something I wrote for a Speech class in college. The instruction was to write about your ideal guy/girl in the most descriptive, most vivid way you can.

This was what I wrote:

I am free-spirited. I keep as much distance as I can from responsibilities and commitments. I do not react well to being leashed.

I have a strong sense of self-preservation. I do not allow anyone to invade my space. I retaliate when someone tries to manipulate me.

I am my own boss. I live for myself and I like it that way. I enjoy having full control over my time and over my choices.

I am self-centered.  I always go for the option that benefits me. I do not compromise. I am annoyed it when things do not happen my way.

I am manipulative. I tend to take advantage of the people around me, especially those who are particularly fond of me. It’s a convenient way to lessen my load and make my life easier.

That’s me, a guy who thrives in solitude.

The person I want to spend the rest of my life with is someone who can change that, someone I would love so much that I would willingly give up my freedom and choose to be bound in our relationship.

My ideal person is able to put up with my incessant ramblings about myself, my ideas, my life and all the other nonsense that I want to talk about, without thinking that it’s nonsense. We have good, long conversations without boring each other out. These conversations not only make me want to talk, but also to listen. I try to catch and remember everything that I hear. We listen to each other with a genuine interest and every day we discover something new about each other.

Every embrace that we share makes me want to just take care of everything for my beloved. The warmth that I feel is unlike anything else. We fit into each other’s arms so perfectly that I do not want to pull away. My only desire is to protect my beloved and make sure that everything will be fine for us.

Whenever I look at my beloved, I feel lucky. I watch every move, look at every part, and I wonder how someone so wonderful could ever have fallen in love with me. I begin to wonder if I’m really worthy of it. Then our eyes meet. I see the gentle and smiling eyes that already had my heart smitten before I even realized it. I remember how I felt the first time I gazed into those eyes and how I got lost in them. And I remember how it felt to see them gazing back at me. My heart beats in a calm rhythm, for I am reassured that our love is real.

Our kisses are the sweetest. When our lips meet, I just close my eyes, hold on tight and savor every moment. We pull each other closer and I start to feel fingers running through my hair. I feel my tresses getting twirled around those fingers that seem intent on messing up the hair that I had carefully arranged. I do not mind, not even when it starts to hurt.

My ideal person does not mind if I act a little unusual. I sometimes suddenly sing at the top of my lungs. I dance around when I hear novelty songs being played. I talk spontaneously when I don’t want to hear my own thoughts. I walk for hours when I am stressed. My beloved doesn’t mind any of that, and even appreciates me for it.

The moments I spend in the relationship are the only ones when I do not live for myself. I am at my beloved’s disposal. My time is no longer my own, but ours. I choose what’s best for the both of us. I no longer do the things that used to make me happy. I have a new reason for happiness and that is to serve my beloved. We will grow old together and as we do, we will constantly look back and relive our love story, and we will fall in love all over again every time.

And this is the part where I hide under a rock for a minute while I barf all that cheese off.

Of course I was writing about a guy. And yes, it was about my ex. I was basically describing him and how he made me feel. I wasn’t sure how my teacher would take a boy writing about another boy, though, so I avoided using gender-specific pronouns. I didn’t expect it to be that difficult. And boy, I had no idea that I sucked at writing about love back then.

Had my concept of an “ideal guy” changed since then? I’m not sure. I don’t think I really had one in the first place. My “ideal guy” is always the one I’m dating at the moment. Or at least that’s the case when we start dating. I always come to the point where I start to see imperfections in the person and in the relationship. And the thing is, I concentrate on them too much that I forget that I already have my ideal guy. And then I let go.

I’m going to spend this coming Valentine’s day alone. Well, not exactly. I’ll be with my friends, but you know what I mean. While everyone is celebrating that day with the person they love, I’ll be the third wheel in my friends’ date. I’ll watch them get extra sweet with each other and I’ll listen to them declare their love for each other while I sit in the corner, probably texting a potential trick just to pretend that I have someone. But it’s okay. That day will be etched so deeply into my brain that it will remind me to recognize genuine love when I see it. And to not let go when I finally have it in my hands again.

To those who have found their ideal person and chose to keep their eyes on love, congratulations to you and may you never lose sight of what you have. As for the rest of us who are still looking at love from a distance, well, love is beautiful and it deserves to be celebrated by everyone. Who knows? We might just make the team next year. (LOL)

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.