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Saturday, February 12, 2011

My Ideal Guy

Last night, while I was going through my old files in my laptop, I found something I wrote for a Speech class in college. The instruction was to write about your ideal guy/girl in the most descriptive, most vivid way you can.

This was what I wrote:

I am free-spirited. I keep as much distance as I can from responsibilities and commitments. I do not react well to being leashed.

I have a strong sense of self-preservation. I do not allow anyone to invade my space. I retaliate when someone tries to manipulate me.

I am my own boss. I live for myself and I like it that way. I enjoy having full control over my time and over my choices.

I am self-centered.  I always go for the option that benefits me. I do not compromise. I am annoyed it when things do not happen my way.

I am manipulative. I tend to take advantage of the people around me, especially those who are particularly fond of me. It’s a convenient way to lessen my load and make my life easier.

That’s me, a guy who thrives in solitude.

The person I want to spend the rest of my life with is someone who can change that, someone I would love so much that I would willingly give up my freedom and choose to be bound in our relationship.

My ideal person is able to put up with my incessant ramblings about myself, my ideas, my life and all the other nonsense that I want to talk about, without thinking that it’s nonsense. We have good, long conversations without boring each other out. These conversations not only make me want to talk, but also to listen. I try to catch and remember everything that I hear. We listen to each other with a genuine interest and every day we discover something new about each other.

Every embrace that we share makes me want to just take care of everything for my beloved. The warmth that I feel is unlike anything else. We fit into each other’s arms so perfectly that I do not want to pull away. My only desire is to protect my beloved and make sure that everything will be fine for us.

Whenever I look at my beloved, I feel lucky. I watch every move, look at every part, and I wonder how someone so wonderful could ever have fallen in love with me. I begin to wonder if I’m really worthy of it. Then our eyes meet. I see the gentle and smiling eyes that already had my heart smitten before I even realized it. I remember how I felt the first time I gazed into those eyes and how I got lost in them. And I remember how it felt to see them gazing back at me. My heart beats in a calm rhythm, for I am reassured that our love is real.

Our kisses are the sweetest. When our lips meet, I just close my eyes, hold on tight and savor every moment. We pull each other closer and I start to feel fingers running through my hair. I feel my tresses getting twirled around those fingers that seem intent on messing up the hair that I had carefully arranged. I do not mind, not even when it starts to hurt.

My ideal person does not mind if I act a little unusual. I sometimes suddenly sing at the top of my lungs. I dance around when I hear novelty songs being played. I talk spontaneously when I don’t want to hear my own thoughts. I walk for hours when I am stressed. My beloved doesn’t mind any of that, and even appreciates me for it.

The moments I spend in the relationship are the only ones when I do not live for myself. I am at my beloved’s disposal. My time is no longer my own, but ours. I choose what’s best for the both of us. I no longer do the things that used to make me happy. I have a new reason for happiness and that is to serve my beloved. We will grow old together and as we do, we will constantly look back and relive our love story, and we will fall in love all over again every time.

And this is the part where I hide under a rock for a minute while I barf all that cheese off.

Of course I was writing about a guy. And yes, it was about my ex. I was basically describing him and how he made me feel. I wasn’t sure how my teacher would take a boy writing about another boy, though, so I avoided using gender-specific pronouns. I didn’t expect it to be that difficult. And boy, I had no idea that I sucked at writing about love back then.

Had my concept of an “ideal guy” changed since then? I’m not sure. I don’t think I really had one in the first place. My “ideal guy” is always the one I’m dating at the moment. Or at least that’s the case when we start dating. I always come to the point where I start to see imperfections in the person and in the relationship. And the thing is, I concentrate on them too much that I forget that I already have my ideal guy. And then I let go.

I’m going to spend this coming Valentine’s day alone. Well, not exactly. I’ll be with my friends, but you know what I mean. While everyone is celebrating that day with the person they love, I’ll be the third wheel in my friends’ date. I’ll watch them get extra sweet with each other and I’ll listen to them declare their love for each other while I sit in the corner, probably texting a potential trick just to pretend that I have someone. But it’s okay. That day will be etched so deeply into my brain that it will remind me to recognize genuine love when I see it. And to not let go when I finally have it in my hands again.

To those who have found their ideal person and chose to keep their eyes on love, congratulations to you and may you never lose sight of what you have. As for the rest of us who are still looking at love from a distance, well, love is beautiful and it deserves to be celebrated by everyone. Who knows? We might just make the team next year. (LOL)

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.

31 comments:

  1. "I had no idea that I sucked at writing about love back then."

    No, you didn't suck. I would have sucked, having to write what your mentor required. Coz at that moment you wrote this, you were in the zone, Cloud 9 kung baga. Haysh. Sana dumating sa akin yan.

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  2. Wow! That was some beautifully written piece! Very, very nice!

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  3. Sabi nga nila, "single but always ready to mingle" hahaha :D

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  4. check si iurico! wow talaga! iba ka jap! iba ka! hehehe

    Happy Valentine's Day!

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  5. You don't have to hide under rocks, Nishiboy, given the potent force behind this piece. ;)

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  6. "love is beautiful and it deserves to be celebrated by everyone." - this one's love, love, LOVE!

    one good read for me, thanks to you. :)

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  7. Alone on Valentines day? Join the club, we have jackets. Haha. Been there 22 years and counting.

    It's a little cheesy, yeah. But love does that to you. It makes you all mushy and corny, and in my case, nauseated. Weirdly enough, as much as the idea of love makes me wanna puke, it also makes me want to experience it all the more.

    And yeah, you thought you sucked? Really? If I were able to write something like that, I could die the next day having felt that much passion. And as much as it pains me to say this, I got emotional. gaaahh.

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  8. Huwaw! Hmm.. Naisip ko na kung magsusulat din ako ng ideal guy.. baka yung person I'm committed din ang masusulat ko.. I love the cheesyness! Hayy.. We're still looking for love in the distance.. and I literally do.

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  9. I've written something about the "unfound" a few months ago and surprised that it surpassed the idealism concept. Mine was actually the result of hallucination from loneliness then. And basically it was all about me. Haha!

    Nicely written, Jap. As always I'm in awe of your words.

    And as always, I owe you pa. Haha! :)

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  10. @Hayme: yeah, i really was in it, wasn't i? =)

    @iurico: *faint*. that was me doing a DSM. Lol. Thanks iurico. =)

    @splice: Meh, not interested in "mingling" right now. Haha.

    @nimmy: ako na. ako na ang iba! lol. happy vday senyo ni leo. kunwari close kami. haha.

    @anon: hey hey, thanks for reading and commenting. =)

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  11. 西, west, I like it.

    Anyways, nice writeup about the ideal guy. How you wrote it was really sweet (and cheesy lol).

    Hope you find your next ideal guy. Happy Valentine's Day!

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  12. @miguel: wow, i was wondering when you'd comment again. haha. anne and i will be in elbi on the 18th. feb fair! haha. if you're there, i'd really like to meet you. ang orgs ko ay: babaylan, lisyu, samapi at tubaw. so you'll probably find me in one of their booths.

    @spiral: i didn't feel any potent force when i read it years after i wrote it. just overwhelming cheese. haha.

    @kamila: love does that to you. to everyone. =)

    @louie: you're vain. lol. and yeah, you still owe meeeh!

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  13. @pyro: i like your honesty. haha. oooh, you know some japanese. my friends tell me the english translation of my last name is "west exit" or "west mouth". and that they read it in subway stations. lol.

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  14. @西 lol thanks. ah yes i know the language. for valentine's, maybe you should start looking for someone named higashi :) enjoy!

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  15. WOW!!! Super love the post... =) You're pretty good naman na talaga with writing... Bow ako dyan sa part na yan... Promise... Not kidding... =)

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  16. yeah, but back then I'm sure something moved you so much that it made you write something as verbose as this. ;)

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  17. @pyro: haha. it would be nice to meet a "higashiboy".

    @vivi: vivi! na-miss kita. haha. pero bitter pa din ako sa pic niyo ni fabio. =P

    @spiral: nuuu, i got called verbose! haha. langyang love yan. lol. yeah, i get what you're saying. =)

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  18. nice post!
    happy independence day nishi! lol! :)

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  19. I knew you wwere thinking about someone when you wrote the letter. I imagine I would, only my letter would include blood, rape, death threats, and.. oh wait.

    I also promised myself that I should at least experience being in a relationship before 2012. I ahve 10 more months. And I am getting nervous.

    Hello Nishiboy! :)

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  20. Speech Com. 1? Informative Speech? Humanities Basement? Hehehehe. Good times - college I mean. Api Vday! ;p

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  21. toinks, parang nabasa ko na to dati.

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  22. @chai: haha. happy independence day din, if it applies.

    @vajarl: oooh i'd like to read that bloody entry. lol. btw, there's no link in your profile. i think i've been to your blog before. but i can't remember what it was.

    @kaloy: yes to all. haha. btw, like i told miguel, i'll be in elbi on the 18th. last day ng feb fair. tara tara meetup! =D email moko ifever. exjasonblog@gmail.com

    @kraehe: malamang. lahat naman ata ng sinulat ko dati eh pinabasa ko muna sayo eh.

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  23. uy...speach class...sana meron din kami niyan para makapagparinig na ko ng requirements ko bohehehe :D

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  24. uy ang ganda!!! ibang iba ka dito hehe,super like ko tong sinulat mo!save ko and print it ok,pwde?heheh

    hay naku pagh uwi ko sa june,meet tau ha?na iintriga ako sau hahaha

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  25. Hmm it's not that bad actually. Cheesy yes, but isn't that the very definition of love? hehehe

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  26. @exanthiel: at sino naman ang gusto mong makarinig? prof mo? =P

    @mac: sige save mo, print mo, idikit mo pa sa mga pader kung gusto mo. lol. sure sure, meet tayo. sabihan moko kung kelan at saan. =D

    @glen: haha, yes, i suppose you're right.

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  27. I think your college paper was inspiring/inspired. :)

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  28. huaw...nice..i tot nkita ko na c ideal guy pro prng me kulang...mali naman kung mghanap p ko nung wula sya db?! sya n un ih..so I hav to accept and just follow my feelings...(hanep napalayo na...jeje) la leng...

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  29. @miss carrie: yes, sobrang inspired ako nung sinulat ko yan. =)

    @lhuloy: mahahanap mo din siya. =)

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  30. @oddblood: ha? i checked the spam comments, walang laman. comment mo na lang ulit. =P hello oddblood.

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